Travel Annoyances

It seems like a lot of the things that piss me off about other people are exposed when I'm either flying on a commercial airline or driving my car. I suppose it's because I'm forced to deal with the general public at these times, and they're a bunch of morons. Here are my biggest gripes. I'm going to switch frequently from talking about people I hate to addressing them directly. To lessen confusion, the text will look like this when I'm yelling at people as opposed to just talking about them.

Driving in General

When you're driving, there are situations where your interests are in conflict with those of other drivers. It happens all the time and there's nothing wrong with it. What matters is how you resolve these conflicts. My general attitude can be summed up like this:

If you ask permission, I will always give it. If you assume permission, I will fucking kill you.

The things that get me pissed at other drivers pretty much all boil down to them acting like they're somehow more important than everyone else on the road. Like they don't have to follow the rules or wait when everyone else is waiting. For example, when someone switches into a lane that they know is going to end in the hopes of getting a little further up. The people you're planning to get in front of up there are going to the same place as you. They all had to wait to get where they are. Why the hell should it be any different for you?

Blocking the Intersection

Everyone is annoyed when someone blocks an intersection they're trying to get through. That's so obvious I don't even need to point it out. I want to talk about people that go beyond just being stupid or inconsiderate.

Here's the situation: You're on a road that has two or more lanes in the same direction. You come to an intersection. The light is green, but there are cars stopped on the other side. If you go into the intersection, you won't be able to get out the other side and you'll end up blocking people's way. Obviously, you hang back and wait until there's room for you to cross. Every now and then, I'll hang back in this situation and someone will roll up in the lane next to me, see that I've left room, and actually get in front of me. Are you kidding? Not only did you just cut me off, but you're now blocking the intersection. And you didn't even cut me off because you're driving kung fu is so superior to mine. The only reason you were able to get in front of me is that I was hanging back for the specific purpose of not blocking the intersection!

How is this possible? You know that I'm sitting back out of the intersection, otherwise you would have stayed in your lane to avoid hitting me. So you must also know that I'm sitting there for a reason. That reason should be fairly obvious. You can see the stack of cars in front of me as well as I can, so what makes you think it's OK to go when I've clearly made a conscious decision not to? People who do this should lose their license.

I have seen something even worse than this, but only once, so I'll make it a footnote here. I was in the left lane at a light, which was green, but there were pedestrians crossing from left to right on the other side of the intersection, so I waited. A guy pulled up in the lane to my right. The pedestrians were now in front of him, not me, but they were still close, so I waited a bit longer. This ass hat saw what I was doing, then went past me into my lane and through the intersection right behind the pedestrians. To the guy that did that: I hope your cock gets caught in some kind of machinery and you're stuck there for hours before it rips off. I want you to experience the suffering of having your dick caught for hours, but more importantly, I want you to experience those hours of hope. Hope that your whang can still be saved — only to have those hopes crushed in the end when you realize your cock is gone forever. Fuck you.

Airport Security

Ugh. Security at airports is nothing but a show. A really annoying show.

They've started telling us that we can't lock our luggage to keep out thieves. Oh, you're allowed to lock your luggage, but you have to use a special lock that can only be opened by the TSA. Think about this… Of all the people that have access to your bag when it's out of your sight, who are you most concerned about protecting its contents from? Could it be the felons, drop-outs and other illiterate thugs employed by the TSA? Why, yes. They are exactly the reason I would want my bags locked. Oh, well. Guess that's not an option now. (To be fair, I mostly fly out of Atlanta and I suspect that political correctness has lowered the hiring standards here more than most airports. There are probably some decent security folks in other cities.)

The annoying show continues when you try to get yourself through the security screening. They make you remove everything from your pockets, your belt, your shoes, etc. Then, when you get to the other side and try to reassemble yourself, some TSA bastard says "You can't stop here. Keep moving." You know what asshole? Taking all this shit off wasn't my idea. It was yours. If you wanted me out of here quickly, you should have thought of that on the other side. Eat me.

The other thing I hate is that they won't let me or anyone else carry a gun. I could go on about this forever, but I'll try to sum it up with a few quick points.

  1. You can't bring a plane down with a handgun, so don't even start.
  2. With the current policy in place, if a terrorist did manage to get a weapon on the plane, the good guys would then be defenseless because they followed the rules. (I should mention here that several news organizations have successfully smuggled guns and knives past the TSA, several times in one day, just to see how effective security was, so don't think it can't happen.)
  3. If they let us all carry guns, then terrorists would be armed, right? Potentially, but they would also be severely outnumbered by good guys, both armed and unarmed. It would be hopeless.
  4. OK, so say everyone's armed. If there were a shootout in a confined space like that, wouldn't a lot of innocent people get killed as well, even if the good guys win in the end? Yes, probably, but the alternative is letting the terrorists take the whole plane, killing everyone on board and most likely a lot of people on the ground, too. Which do you prefer?

There are no logical reasons to keep people unarmed. There's just this irrational mythology that's built up around guns over the years and you can't seem to break through it with some people.

The Very [Self-]Important People

Here's a tip: If your bag is big enough to need wheels, then it's too big to be a God damned carry on item!

I hate all these people who try to cram everything into a giant carry on bag. I assume this is because they think they're too important to deal with the baggage claim. Guess what. No, you're not. Check that thing.

Unrealistic Expectations

When I fly, I know it's going to suck. I'm going to get on the plane and be miserable for a couple of hours, and then I'm going to get off.

It drives me nuts when people get upset over the stupidest little things. For example, whenever there's a delay, you'll usually hear some old lady say "What's going on? They haven't told us anything." So, what? You're going to sit there until they tell you to get off of the plane, right? Knowing every detail of what's going on isn't going to get you there any faster, so shut it.

Whenever I hear of a case of "air rage", I never understand what the person was thinking. They get upset over some inconvenience and flip out and I just say to myself "WTF? Did they think, at any point, that the flight they were taking was going to be a pleasant experience?" Apparently they did.

The Baggage Claim

Since keeping us from having guns on the plane is obviously pointless, I've become convinced that the reason they disarm us is to keep me from killing people at the baggage claim.

Everyone feels the need to get right up against the carousel. This is dumb for two reasons.

  1. When your bag does come, it's difficult to get to the carousel in the first place, and then it's difficult to remove your bag because you have people all around you.
  2. On the parts of the carousel that are curved, a lot more people would be able to fit side-by-side in the front row if everyone would just stand back a few feet. In other words, increasing the radius of the circle would increase its circumference.

I am apparently the only one on the planet who realizes this and there's just no way to get it across to everyone in the baggage claim. And even if I could, there would be a whole new batch of morons on the next flight.

That doesn't keep me from taking it out on them, though. You see, I always try to do the correct thing and stand back from the carousel. It never fails that some fucktard will come up and stand right in front of me, as though I don't need to see what's going on. I guess the need to be right up there trumps everything including basic courtesy. When I do have to go up there to get a big bag, I'll come as close as I can to wiping that person out as I pull it off. Fuck them. Since my bag has arrived, I actually have a reason for being up front. They have no such reason, so if they get hit, it's because they're in the wrong place. If they stood back and waited for their bag to show up, they wouldn't have that problem.

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