Carb Crazy

July 19, 2004

It was bound to happen. I have to whine about something that has little to do with politics...

What's with all the "low carb" products these days? Is it news to some people that when you take in more fuel than you need, it gets stored as fat? Back when "low fat" products were the magic cure for everything, I saw a bag of jelly beans that actually bragged that they were FAT FREE. Haven't they always been fat free? And is anyone stupid enough to think they can eat all the jelly beans they want and lose weight? I can't help wondering what the poor jelly bean makers will do now that people have discovered that carbs are actually the cause of all fatness.

The most annoying by far though has got to be low carb alcoholic beverages. Low carb beer? Come on. If you're that worried about it, just don't drink beer. And if you happen to have a penis, go ahead and return it because it's not working. You can't count carbs while you're drinking! That's like playing a rock show, but stopping every 10 minutes to ask if you're being too loud... or getting a tattoo where no one will ever see it... or having sex, but trying not to let anyone see you naked.

If you're not a fan of sex, drugs and rock & roll, that's fine. Go in peace. But if you're going to partake, show some respect and do it right. Leave your fad diets, nuances and insecurities at home. We've got some yet to be determined stupid shit to do. Bottoms up!

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